Journal Prompt #3: How to Become a ___________

The writing you’ll be doing for your literacy narratives is different from much of the writing you’ve done for school assignments in that it’s personal writing. Most writing assignments prohibit you from using “I” or “me” in your paperyou’re your literacy narrative, you have to speak from experience.

 

In order to get you in a personal writing frame of mind, the journal prompt this week is a creative one: How to Become a __________. You’ll be writing in the style of Lorrie Moore’s “How to Become a Writer.” You all play several roles in your lives—you are students, friends, sons, daughters, participants in any number of hobbies or extracurricular activities—and all of these are fair game for the entry. You can write entirely from your own experience. You could also, as Moore did, make up a story. Some promising titles I’ve read from other classes include “How to Become a Liar” and “How to Become an Annoying Little Sister.” I am convinced that you all will be similarly inventive.

 

So make me laugh, make me think, make me cry. Entertain me. Tell me a story. Do it in 200 words or more. Due Sunday, 9/15.

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47 thoughts on “Journal Prompt #3: How to Become a ___________

  1. How to text in class

    To start, you have to be smart and make sure the sound is completely off and the brightness is turned down (depending on the lighting of the room). Also, it helps if you get a seat towards the back of the classroom, or if you sit directly behind someone that’s bigger then you so you can just prop it up directly behind their back. Even as the texts are pouring in, or you’re craving to refresh your twitter page is just too much, don’t constantly stare and react to what’s on your phone. People don’t normally smile at their notebooks or other areas. Get what I’m saying? Sometimes you can even slide it underneath your paper, or inside a packet. For girls there’s always the skirt trick too! Or there’s also the boot trick. Sorry guys. When the teacher is suspicious or announces how much he hates cell phone use, wipe the smirk off your face and act completely innocent. You must have intervals of paying attention to the teacher and of course to your ever so important cellphone. And even though most people text with two hands, in class use one…it is possible. Other students might stare at you or judge, but it’s your decision and you really aren’t affecting them. Try that; don’t get caught.

  2. How to Become A Successful Football Player

    Shut that alarm off and get out of bed. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because of the early hour. Get mentally tough. Wipe the sleep from your eyes and get the thought of going back to bed out of your mind. Get Motivated! You do not have time to sleep. Your opponent is not sleeping. You need to be outworking him. If you do not hit him, he’ll hit you. Hit the gym and do the workout that is required. Do extra reps just because you can. You’ll reap the benefits from these reps in the fourth quarter. Drink water. You cannot be a success if you are cramping up on the sidelines every game. Go to practice and remain mentally and physically there. Study your playbook. You need to know your playbook better each day. Study film so you can know what your opponent will do before he does it. Be the first in line at each drill. Show motivation. Show courage. Be a leader. Effort is the only thing you can control. When the game comes, all the hay is in the barn. The hard work has been done. It won’t be easy. But that is why you did those extra reps. That is why you woke up earlier than your peers. And when the time comes for you to lift the trophy in sheer joy. Do not forget your teammates and the blood, sweat, and precious moments you shared together. And remember the most important thing is always, always outwork everyone.

  3. How to procrastinate

    Do you have an important paper coming up? Well there’s no better decision than to procrastinate and wait until the last second to do it. First, you have to think of every possible excuse as to why you can’t start days in advance. Such as, “I have to workout” or “I really need to clean my room first.” These excuses will suffice and they will last you a few days. Next, the night before the paper is due you should start by sitting down and staring at the blank page. Once your eyes are fixed on the blankness, you should write your name and the title. As soon as you’re done with all that hard work you should take a break and turn on your iPod, after all, you have to recharge. Once you’ve successfully wasted half an hour or so you should return back to your paper, write three sentences, and then start a group texting chat. After you’ve caught up with all your best friends you should regroup and finish the rest of the first paragraph that you’ve previously started. Then, check the clock. Once you realize you have only an hour and a half to write the rest of the four page paper you should take a short nap, wake up, and then stress out and frantically finish the paper, and barely turn it in on time.

    Christie Gleason

  4. How to Become a Freak like Me
    • Be born to quirky parents and a goofy older brother specifically named Logan. You love your parent. They’re actually pretty normal, loving and accepting compared to most. They’re freaks, but they’re your freaks. Mom weara the pants in the relationship. Dad is the one who helps pick out your prom dress, takes you to see musicals, sings show tunes with you, and do all that other girly stuff. Your Mom must dislike her Mother-in-Law and your Father should want to adopt his In-Laws. That aforementioned older bother? Yeah, he should be approximately five years older than you. He also must have a form of autism called Asperger’s, have albinism, and have undiagnosed ADHD. (In the first grade, you will have a little brother with the same diagnoses.) Now, it’s important to learn this early: the kid is you’re biggest fan and always means well, it just is often misinterpreted due to his literal meaning of most things and his above average intelligence. He is also incredibly smart. Way smarter than you will ever be capable of. This will drive you insane for most of your life. But remember, you know what it is to work hard and plug away. Everyone (especially your parents) will try and assure you that your social intelligence is much better. Eventually, you’ll realize this too, but not for a while. Give it twenty or so years.
    • Your childhood will fly by way too fast. As a baby and toddler, you will almost never cry. You are a good kid. Not perfect, but close. You meet a girl who lives across the street from you, Jackie. She will be your best friend for life. You will watch as they build her house across the street from yours. You’ll be upset and cry when she moves away because her family is getting too big for their house. She later becomes the oldest of five children. But don’t worry; she’ll be your best friend FOREVER.
    • On your first day of kindergarten, you are to cry so loud and hard. You will embarrass and terrify your older brother who at the time will be in fifth grade. You will meet a girl named Megan five minutes after your Mom leaves, and will be perfectly fine until you get to fifth grade.
    • The day after the September 11th attack, your parents will discover that they accidentally are pregnant. Your Dad lost weight and your Mom likes it, so you get a baby brother in the first grade. You won’t want another brother. Who wants another Logan? You will want a sister. Jackie has a sister. Why can’t you have one? You only visit your new brother once in the hospital. This will be around the same time Jackie moves away. The good news is your parents picked your name for the baby. They wanted his name to be Seth. You will think it’s a stupid name. Seth? Seth Bartholomew? Really, Mom? Really? But, in spite of it all, they will name that little alien Evan. Evan becomes your best friend in the whole wide world. Even though those parents of yours didn’t give you a girl, you turn Evan into one.
    • You go to middle school. It will be the worst. You will get your tonsils out in the sixth grade and miss a month of school. In that month, you will grow about five inches and become one of the tallest girls in sixth grade. Since you’re so tall, you try out for Volleyball in the seventh grade. You suck. You make JV. Your Mom ridicules you and calls you Bambi on ice. You won’t make the team in eighth grade. You will also have braces. They will make your post-braces smile crooked. You will have a stroke smile for the rest of your life.
    • The summer before you start high school, your parents send you to a military structured summer camp named Culver. Your great grandparents met there. Your great grandfather built the church. Their ashes are spread there. Your grandfather went there and loved it. Your mom and her siblings went there. Your cousins went there. Now, it’s your turn. No pressure. It sucks the first three weeks. You will be homesick, you will wear your retainer every day, it will be the coldest summer of your life and you have swimming first period which means you’ll be wet all day. Great. You march to every meal, wear a uniform and, because it is an international camp, you will be surrounded by languages you’ve never heard before. You learn a technique that you will adopt for the rest of your life: crying in the shower. The last three weeks are the best weeks of your life. You will go back for the following two summers and work at the camp the two summers after that. When you come home, you realize you grew another three inches and you lost about twenty pounds. You also discover you have hip bones.
    • You go to high school. It’s a very competitive school filled predominantly with little Jewish nerds. You will see more yamakas in your life at this school than anywhere else ever again. You never knew what Judaism was until you came to this school. It is thirty minutes away from your house and both your parents work there. Oh, boy. You feel overwhelmed most of the time, but you eventually learn to adapt and make the most out of every experience. You join the theater tech side of the school plays. You love it. Your sophomore year, you are promoted to stage manager and remain that until you leave the program your senior year. You’re kind of a big deal. You have no social life all of high school. You will never have a date, you will have no best friend, and you will spend every weekend home with your parents. It’s okay though. You love your family more than anything in the whole world. Your mom becomes your best friend and will remain that way forever.
    • In your fourth period English class freshman year, you meet a boy. You know he’s good people because when you get your first book (To Kill a Mockingbird) he sniffs the book. You find this charming because you always smell your books to see if they smell new. You like the smell of a new book. You get to know him. He gets to know you. You meet his family. He meets yours. He comes to Culver with you for two summers. You ask him to the dance, he fakes an injury so he won’t have to go with you. You decide it’s too much drama for you to handle and are just friends. All without discussing this with him. You go for a while just being friends. Then your moms get involved. His mom reveals that he wants to ask you to homecoming, but is too afraid. Your mom relays the information to you. You get your hopes up. Nothing happens. He says he doesn’t want commitment. He joins theater tech per your recommendation. You introduce him to one of your friends. They hit it off. You think that nothing will come of it because she’s a lesbian. Two weeks later, you see them making out in the hallway. You’re done. You stop talking to him. If he wants to be your friend, he knows where to find you. You don’t talk to him all of senior year. He watches you though. You know it because you catch him when you look over to stare at him. You love each other. You’re both just too stupid. He’s stupid because you’re the best thing that ever happened to him and he knows it. You’re stupid because you waste four years of emotion and effort on a boy who told you he doesn’t want you. But you pushed and got your heartbroken. You also invested too much emotion in something you knew wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t ready. He goes off to the marines, you go to Florida State.
    • College acceptance time comes about. Your dream school is Florida State. You applied early decision and everything. You love everything about the school. I mean, for god sakes, you had your wedding dress moment there! You love it!! You stay up late to see if you got in or not. You go to the page. There’s your decision: Not Accepted. They ask you to get your SAT and ACT scores up higher. You cry. You sign up for the SAT and ACT again while you ball your eyes out and listen to sad music. The next day at school, everyone wants to know if you got in or not. You have to tell them all no. No, you didn’t get into your dream school, but you will. You tell them why you didn’t get in and that you’re going to kick the SAT and ACT’s butts!
    • And you do.
    • You go to college and you take an English class. You like it instantly. Every single kid in your class is great in their own unique way. Your teacher asks you to call him by his first name. Yeah, right. Never going to happen, Mr. Hallal. He wants you to write these journal entries. You feel bad because yours are always so much longer than everyone else’s. You’re just self-involved, but you’re okay with that. Detail is very important to you. You do feel bad for Mr. Hallal that he has to read this. You’re sorry. You wish he knew how much you actually edited out and how many other life changing experiences you left out.
    • You are going to have a great life. You’re not like every other kid. Not in a pompous, self-absorbed “I’m different. Give me attention” way. In one of those, you’re friends with everyone and people older than you tell you how mature you are kind of ways. You like being an old lady. You know things with your high school dummy are going to work out. It’s all about timing. You’re pretty sure you’re going to get married once it’s a good time for him. In the meantime, you will probably date no one because you’re undesirable, but that’s okay. On the brightside, you will become quite the movie buff. You are nice to everyone, because you never want anyone to feel left out or alone. You laugh a lot because you have a good sense of humor and people are funny. Your favorite color is pink because it is warm and loving and happy, just like you. You were born to be a Mom and you will be one day- with or without a significant other (preferably with).
    • Always remember and never forget. If you fake it, you make it. Treat people how you want to treated. Keep it real. Be yourself. Be beautiful. Be Hannah Kellogg Bartholomew. In the words of Aibileen Clark, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

  5. Renee Lemire
    How to become an Italian
    Pretend like you know what your grandmother, great aunts and uncles are saying. Dip your index finger in the pasta sauce when your Ma is turned around to make the meatballs. Kiss Ma on the check for a secretive applause for how delicious the sauce tastes. You eat as much lasagna and tortellini soup you possibly can consume. Complain to your sister and cousins how much lasagna and tortellini soup you consumed. Make a joke that we will all look like meatballs in 20 years. You are good about making jokes on how much we all eat, but you know it’s too good to stop. Listen to Uncle Stephen tell his intriguing work story about how he almost called a man a “cagna.” Laugh then run away and tell your little cousins what that means. Get a “what for” in the head by Ma. Try to talk over everyone. Answer the door and greet your neighbors. Give them their share of macaroni that Ma made just for them. Grab the hand to my left. Grab the hand to my right. You pray and say a blessing. Repeat the prayer and blessing louder because Meemaw can’t hear it. Sit down for more eating. Complain that you just ate. Disregard and take two cannolis and a black and white cookie. Look around the table. You watch with awe and wonder on how amazing your family is. Sigh and finish the cannoli.

  6. How to Become a Billionaire:

    In order to become a Billionaire, you have to be smart with money. You should take classes on finances, investing, and understand the rules of the corporate ladder. Learn the ins and outs of the money world. Most importantly, you are going to have to save money. Start a five to ten year money plan. Calculate how much money you can save and how much money you can spend. This will give you realistic goals of how and when you are going to become a Billionaire. Take percentages of your earnings out of your paycheck and set it aside. Put it in your savings or start investing. Also, you will have to start living moderately. No more Starbucks every morning, five star restaurants for dinner, or going to the movies every night. Pleasures can wait for when you are a Billionaire. The more you set aside now, the easier it will be to attain that billion dollars. Start investing. You can invest by buying real estate, starting or buying businesses, or buying or selling stock. Lastly, if none of these options work fast enough for you and your lifestyle, there are two options for you. One: Gamble. Two: Marry a Billionaire.

    Lydia

  7. How to Become a Procrastinator

    Teachers are always telling their students about assignments weeks even months in advance. Teenagers, obviously, have so much more to worry about than completing schoolwork in a timely fashion. When factoring in weekend plans, drama with their friends and maybe even cleaning their rooms there just is not enough time in a day. First things first, join every social media site known to man and obsess over it. Whether you are constantly tweeting about how much work you have to balance with all of the shows you need to catch up on or merely stalking your ex-best friend’s crazy birthday party pictures, it will all add to the art of procrastinating. No procrastinator takes the time out of her day to close off from the world, sit down in silence and write a paper, so the library is off limits. The only thing it will do for you is motivate you to be productive. The week before the assignment is due, write in your planner everything you must complete and then completely forget you have a planner. Bury it in the bottom of your backpack under the empty water bottles and gum wrappers. The night before your 6 page paper is due, call your parents panicking about how you had no idea you had to write a paper, it is not fair and your teacher is trying to ruin your life. Start brainstorming at midnight when you are half awake with a Redbull and a coffee because it is going to be a long night. Finally, when you finish your sixth page at five in the morning, pass out on your desk, wake up right before it is due and submit it to your teacher as you are running to class. It may seem a little hectic at first, but becoming a procrastinator is a piece of cake. You’ll be a professional in no time.

  8. How to Become a Baseball Player

    First, you learn to fail. As crazy as it may seem this task must be done in order to be the player you want to be. Baseball is a game of failure. Great hitters are known for there .300 batting average. Not even half the time at the plate these great ones are getting hits. Out of all the years the MLB has been around only 23 pitchers have thrown a perfect game. After you learn to fail, you must then be confident for baseball is not always a game of physicality but mental strength and your awareness is key. You must not listen to the people who criticize baseball. Funny how America’s past time is the most controversial. You must know you’re playing the game for the ones who preceded you. You must know you are the very few ones who can hit a tiny ball with a stick, while another man throws the ball at you as hard as he can while he curves it, slides it, changes it up and slows it down, or makes it dance with the nasty knuckleball. After this you must have fun. Baseball is a game.

  9. Andrew Miller-

    How to Become A Highly Skilled Basketball Player

    Don’t want it, need it. Live it, sleep it, breathe it. Become it. Be crazy enough to vomit from overexertion, then ask what’s next? Work your ass off until you simply can’t go any longer, then work some more. Dribble, shoot, rebound, pass, run. Do drills until the mere mention of the word makes you sick to your stomach. Never assume you’re the best. Wake up every single day and ask yourself what you can do to get better. Keep in mind that there is always somebody out there working. Just don’t let them outwork you. Ensure that achieving greatness is the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing on your mind when you go to bed. Fail. The only way you can succeed is to fail first. Realize your mistakes then correct them. Don’t make the same one twice. Treat your body right. Get in prime physical shape and prepare for war. Go through workouts judiciously, knowing that you’ll emerge stronger on the other side. Sleep well, but get up early. Envision yourself in the NBA every minute of every day. Don’t let your dreams die. When it opportunity passes, snatch it and never let it go. Treat basketball like your only love. To be successful, it has to be.

  10. How to Become the Favorite Child

    Do you hate being the child that your parents barely notice? Do you wish you could be their favorite? Well, it’s actually pretty simple to do, if you follow these steps:
    First, never leave the house. Who needs friends when you have your parents? They love you and want what is best for you. Plus, you’ll never get involved in any shenanigans. Therefore, they will never get mad at you and you can spend more time with each other.
    Second, get good grades. Let’s face it; parents love the smarter children, who actually try in school. That gives them an opportunity to brag to their “friends” about who has the better children. The more awards and higher GPA you have, the better.
    Third, compliment them and kiss up all the time. Nothing will make them happier than you calling your mom beautiful or saying you appreciate all their hard work. It’s like their kryptonite and they will love you for it. If you’re really in the giving mood, helping with chores around the house basically is setting yourself up for success.
    If you follow these simple steps, you will likely get away with things your siblings do not, you will get more privileges, and you will get better gifts. In my case, I got a car for high school and my brother did not. I got grounded for one week for getting a speeding ticket and my sister got grounded for three weeks for getting a B on her report card. However, if following these steps does not help you win over your parents, then you may have to get rid of your siblings. It will stink at first, but at least you’ll become their favorite child by default.

  11. How to Keep Going
    You wake up. “Should I do it today?” you ask yourself. After careful thought, you decide, “Yeah, I’ll finally do it today.” You’ve been waiting for this for a while. You’ve been putting it off, afraid of what will actually happen if this does or doesn’t work. What’s the best way to go about this? Do I tell someone? Do you do it now, or wait until later? “Just do it now,” you think. “Otherwise, you’ll never get around to it. But how?
    You go to the kitchen. You look through the cabinets, wondering what would be best to use. You pull out one thing. Then another. And another. You look at your options. You think. You pick up the second item you grabbed.
    “Do I tell them?” you wonder. You grab a bit of paper and write down a quick note to your parents, who will probably wonder where you are or why you left. You leave the note on the counter and go back to your room. Time to get ready to leave.
    You pick out some nicer clothes. You fix up your hair, and you lie in bed. What about everyone else? What will they do if they see you? Will they be relieved? Will they be upset? Who would care? Who’s going to pick up after your mess? What will the police say? What will you parents and friends say? This can’t actually be worth it, can it?
    You decide to put the pills back in the cabinet, toss the note, and live another day.

    -Becky B.

  12. How to Become a Billionaire:

    In order to become a Billionaire, you have to be smart with money. You should take classes on financing and investing. You have to understand the rules of the corporate ladder. Learn the ins and outs of the money world. Most importantly, you are going to have to save money. Start a five to ten year money plan. Calculate how much money you can save and how much money you can spend. This will give you realistic goals of how and when you are going to become a Billionaire. Take percentages of your earnings out of your paycheck and set it aside. Put it in your savings or start investing. Also, you will have to start living moderately. No more Starbucks every morning, five star restaurants for dinner, or going to the movies every night. Pleasures can wait for when you are a Billionaire. The more you set aside now, the easier it will be to attain that billion dollars. Start investing. You can invest by buying real estate, starting or buying businesses, or buying or selling stock. Lastly, if none of these options work fast enough for you and your lifestyle, there are two options for you. One: Gamble. Two: Marry a Billionaire.

    Lydia

  13. How to become a loner.
    Do you ever want to just be alone and have the rest of the world not worry or care about you? Then you need to become a loner. There are many ways to approach this, but by far the most successful way is to be socially awkward. So how do you become socially awkward? For starters, be too upfront about everything. Tell your life story to a complete stranger without even saying hello or asking for their name first. Become a band geek. Everyone and their mother knows that band geeks are the most socially awkward citizens to inhibit the earth. Once you have reached an appropriate level of awkward and people try avoiding you on the sidewalk or in hallways, you are now in the clear.
    This is where the easy part comes in. No one wants to associate with you. You are now free from society and its standards. You can do everything on your to-do list without having to miss awesome plans, dress however you want, and you don’t even have to worry about the battery life on your phone because no one is going to call you. You have successfully enlightened yourself from society. Congrats, you loner.
    ~Kaitlyn Klingberg

  14. “How to Become a Perfect Only Child”

    First, you must be properly welcomed into the wonderful realm of being the only child. This road won’t be easy, but at the end of the day, it’s worth it. The benefits that you will wreak will greatly outweigh the hard times you may endure. There are two ultimate goals of being the perfect only child – (1) to be so perfect that your parents know that beyond a doubt that they would never be able to have another child like you and (2) becoming one of the most ultimately independent individuals to ever grace the face of this earth.
    So now lets start from the beginning. Your early years of development may be a challenge. You won’t have an older sibling to learn the ropes from, you won’t be the best at making friends or talking in school, and your first best friend might just be that dog you begged your parents for. Now you may be asking yourself, where is the good part in all of this? Well because you don’t have that many friends, your grades will be much higher than the rest of your class. Without siblings you will have to do all the chores around the house, which there will be very few of. Your parents will feel like they have an angel child. What does that mean? Everything you ask for will be yours. Your Christmas will be envied by the Gods.
    When you get a little older the importance of things like Christmas and your family’s approval will start to dwindle away. Now you need to start searching for the things that make you who you are. You won’t have that many sources to look at, but that also mean you won’t have many influences pulling you separate ways. This is where you’ll learn to be that ultimate independent individual you were told about earlier. Strive for excellence and achieve by your own means.
    Now that you got this little view into the life of the perfect only child, its your turn to become perfect in your own way. Welcome.
    – Le’otis Boswell-Johnson

  15. How to become a happy person

    If you ask somebody what they want to be in their life, they may tell you their dream jobs or that they want to have a family. All of those may be true, but I think that what everybody truly wants to be in life is happy. Life is no play ground and obstacles are always going to be thrown your way, but in order to be happy you must have a positive mind set. If you think positively, positive things will happen. On the contrary, if you think negatively, bad things will happen. If you want to be happy, you must take out all of the negativity in your life, whether the source is from you or other people. Negativity will only bring you down. Also, to be happy you have to stop and smell the flowers! Appreciate all of the little things in your life that are blessings, and never take anything or anyone for granted. There is always somebody who would love to have your worst day. People are living in much worse conditions than you are, and if they can wake up in the morning and be happy with almost nothing, you can do it too. Relationships with others is scientifically proven to make a person have a feeling of belonging, which brings happiness. Work on creating true, meaningful relationships with others. That way, even if you are having a bad day, you never have to go through it alone and there is always somebody there to bring a smile back to your face. Lastly, to be a happy person one very helpful tip I have for you is to smile. Whether or not you are actually happy, smiling releases endorphins that actually help to improve your mood. Smiling tricks your brain into thinking you are happy, which actually makes you happier. Put a smile on, think positively and go on to live your life as a happier person.

  16. How to become a swimmer who hates and loves swimming.
    Be born into a family full of swimmers. Mother, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone must swim. Take swim lessons when you are 3 years old. Be afraid of the water for the first week, but soon get over that fear. Start swimming on a summer swim team when you are 4. Swim everyday in the summer for the next two years. Start club swimming when you are 6. Practice 4 days a week for an hour and a half a day. Travel to swim meets that range from 15 to 45 minutes away. Meet a coach named Rachael. Have her start teaching you everything from age 6 on. I forgot to add earlier that you also have to be born very close to the city that the greatest swimmer of all time is from. Next your coach has to move to Baltimore. You decide to follow her there because she has been your coach for 3 years already. As you grow older you start to practice more. Practice moves from 4 days a week to 7, and instead of an hour and a half, its 2 hours with an hour of work outside the pool. Three hours a day, 7 days a week, and a 45 minute drive each way to get to where you swim. You love it and you hate it. You love the meets, your friends, your coaches, all that stuff. You hate the 6 AM summer practices, you hate the 45 minute drive to Baltimore. You hate not being able to hang out with your friends on fridays because you have practice that night and on saturday morning. You work hard all the way to high school and decided its time to call it quits. You miss it but you are happy you made the right decision.

  17. How to become a happy and successful person
    First you have to understand that success has a different meaning for everyone. Wake up every morning and stop feeling tired because you didn’t sleep enough, you will sleep when you meet all your goals. Be happy you have the opportunity of being alive; some people didn’t wake up this morning. Realize that you can do whatever you want in life and you can be successful in anything you want to do. Get rid of the things you don’t like, if it doesn’t bring you happiness it doesn’t belong in your life. Keep doing what you are passionate about, every single day. Become great at everything you like to do, be the best at it so you know you deserve all the great benefits that come with it. Decide what success means to you, this is key because you want to set realistic goals instead of chasing success all your life. Remind yourself everyday that you want to be successful and happy, dedicate your time. Don’t be scared of failure, it will distinguish you from all the others that are afraid to try. Don’t ever get discouraged, that is for the weak people our there.Fail many, many times, it will make you appreciate success. Remember that with persistence and time anything can be achieved.
    Your success days will come when you stop and realize how beautiful life is, and the opportunity we all share. Most importantly, don’t ever forget to smile; happiness will get you through anything.

  18. How To Become Popular in High School

    Be prepared, you’re going to have to engage in many activities which may make you extremely uncomfortable. For starters, you have to change your lingo completely from middle school. You will need to start saying “dope” or “sick” instead of “cool,” and “yo” instead of “hello.” Also, the topic of conversations will be entirely different from what you are used to. Rather than discussing grades or upcoming tests, you will need to start bragging about how “dope” your weekend was. You will need to make up lies and exaggerations if all you really did was sit on your couch and play call of duty until three in the morning. You will be required to “dap up” any acquaintances you may see in the hallway between classes. You have to play at least two varsity sports by the time you’re a senior. After some of your big games, you should go out with your friends and celebrate. This may require you to partake in activities including underage drinking. Unfortunately, if you want to become popular in high school, you have to do things you never would have envisioned for yourself in middle school. You definitely have to be outgoing. This especially applies in the case of women. “Hooking up” is a very “sick” thing to do in high school. Make sure if you do decide to undergo a romantic relationship, the girl you are dating is also popular. Establish a “possy” for yourself right off the bat, so you’re not sitting home on a friday night with nothing to do. One thing to never do in high school is embarrass yourself in a public setting. You will learn early on that gossip is what keeps a high school going. Sadly, you may even have to talk badly about and make fun of nice kids. Bullying is an essential criteria of becoming popular. Find the smallest, most defenseless kid in the hallway and knock his books out of his hand or make a joke about him in front of other popular kids. For most of the reasons listed above, it’s advised to never become popular in high school.

  19. How to Become Sassy

    You’ve all met that person with so much sass you wonder how they ever get taken seriously, right? Well, here’s how to become that person. First, you have to realize that to be sassy, you need to be quick. You need to be able to react to others’ words and actions soon after they speak or act. If you are late to react, the sass becomes much less effective. You must be witty and extremely sarcastic. Be blunt, be funny, and be upfront. You have to be comfortable with making fun of yourself and subtly making fun of others. Say as little as possible when you react. Always remember that some people will admire you for your sass and some will not. You must realize that not everyone appreciates sassy remarks, and you have to be okay with that. Try to stick around people much less sassy than you; this will just amplify how sassy you seem. Remember that being sassy to parents usually will NOT work out in your favor. Sass is a classier way of getting back at others- no fighting, no real insults thrown- sounds great, huh? The few steps to being sassy are very effective. Just make sure to practice a few sassy remarks on those who don’t care if you make a few mistakes. After all, the start to being sassy involves knowing exactly what to say and when and how to say it. Good luck!

  20. How to become a poor college kid

    In my first month of college i’ve found out pretty quickly how easy it is to spend money when you don’t have parents around to help you out. And when i say “spend” money what i’m really trying to say is “waste” money. Most freshman all have bought a meal plan from FSU that allows us to get pre-paid meals all week, or at least during weekdays, that all we have to do is swipe our card. Most of these plans get paid for by the parents, or at least mine did. So it should be pretty easy to save money on food when you have pre-paid meals, right? WRONG. As i’m writing this i have a Jimmy Johns sub sitting in front of me and an overflowing trashcan full of Chik-fil-a and Zaxby’s in my kitchen. Its pretty hard to not spend extra money on food when you have Whataburger, Moes, Firehouse, and Momo’s all within about a 200 yard radius from the apartment. Sadly, food isn’t even the most expensive use of money while in college. Believe it or not, in the past 5 days i’ve spent over $120 between paying for parking tickets and tow fees. I’m convinced that there really isn’t a place in Tallahassee where its okay for you to park a car. Everywhere you go seems to be a tow-away zone. Furthermore, college isn’t all about going to football games and staying up late to finish english papers. College is about attempting to regulate the never-ending flow of money out of your bank account…and so far i’m doing a terrible job of that.

  21. How to Become a Great Best Friend

    First, you have to find that one person that compliments your personality the most. You have to find someone that you genuinely love and care about. Forget about about all of their flaws and accept them for who they are. Being a great best friend involves major commitment, involvement, and honesty. You have to be involved in each others life through good or bad. Commitment to plans is one of the most vital things because no one likes or appreciates getting ditched or forgotten about. The very known saying “honesty is the best policy” is the most truthful statement ever. There cannot be a functional friendship without being able to trust each other. You must never leave them or say by to them without saying “I love you”, because you never know if that will be the last thing you ever say to them. Trust them, treat them with respect, and always love them unconditionally because you know very well that is how you want them to treat you. Being a reliable and trustworthy person is one of the greatest things you can be in life. You must always be only a phone call away for that friend And comfort them when they are upset.You’ll need a bridesmaid or best man one day, and you will want it to be someone who has the potential to stay in your life forever.

  22. How to Have a Good Morning
    First, set an alarm for 9:30, you don’t want to sleep too late and waste away your day. We all love to sleep but there are better things to do and enjoy during a day. Wake up and make some coffee, the good kind with two sugars and hazelnut cream mixed in. Have two cups if you’re feeling extra great that morning. Drink your coffee out of your favorite mug and listen to some good music, whatever kind inspires you. Read a bible verse. The day ahead of you may be a crazy and stressful one, but always allow your mornings to be nice and relaxing. The better your morning, the higher the potential for the rest of your day to be great is. After you’ve done this, look at the day ahead and make a plan. Know what you have to get done and accomplish. Have a third cup of coffee if by this point you are feeling really really great. Tell yourself it’s going to be a great day, and tell yourself that you’re going to make someone else’s day better in some way today. This is the key to a great morning. It’s nothing big, it’s just a bunch of little things that I find to be the key to happiness.

  23. How to become a perfect college student.
    To start you will need persistence and motivation for everything you do. First, because it always comes first: school. School is the most important thing while you are enrolled in college. This is because everything sprouts from school. If you do poorly in your classes you will no longer be in college and obviously can’t be a perfect college student. Second, is the fun factor and this portion can sometimes be harder to control than school itself. The social life of a college student is complicated especially at a school like Florida State, because there are 40,000 other students who could be just like you or completely different. All of these different people can sway your personality into like things you haven’t experienced yet, for example sports, bars, clubs, or even fraternities. However to become a perfect college student you need to learn how to find your niche within all of the different cliques in school and moderate that with your school career. Once you can balance those two qualities of college you will be golden. The way that I have found works to accomplish both of these aspects is to focus on school during the day and social life in the evenings. With that strategy the two never overlap and you can succeed in both.

  24. How to become a Stud
    First you have to be born a stud. If you know you weren’t born a stud or are contemplating weather or not you were then you weren’t and you should stop reading thing because it isn’t going to help you. Now that we weeded out the undesirables, the second step would be to become a complete douchbag. For no reason what so ever feel as if you are entitled to everything. Feel as if every guy wants to be you and every girl wants you (because you’re a stud and in reality every girl does want you). Then start watching every episode of Jersey Shore Pauly D and Mike the Situation are you idols. Start pretending you are Italian, you have never told anyone you were Italian before but now all of a sudden you one fourth Italian on your dads side witch entitles you to now claim you Italian side(even though if someone gave you a globe you wouldn’t be able to point out where Italy is). Now start going to the gym and when you realize this is too much work and you want to look swole fast start taking steroids (girls don’t care how you got big as long as you look big). Now completely change your wardrobe. Only True Religion jeans and the tightest shirts that make your biceps look like they have tumors inside them. Now your ready you got the false sense of self entitlement, your steroids just kicked and you look like the Hulk and Arnold Schwarzenegger had a baby. You just spent all you Christmas money on a brand new closet, now its time for to go forth and show girls why every guy is the same and why they should look into dating girls.

  25. How to Become a Soccer Player

    Okay, so first thing’s first, be born into a family that lives, breathes, and eats soccer. Your dad is a soccer legend. He only started playing soccer in tenth grade and already had a starting spot. He won the State Championship the three years he played high school soccer. He went on to play college ball and then was asked to play for the US national team, but God had other plans. He got into a bad accident and injured his knee really bad, but if that didn’t happen he wouldn’t have met your mom and you wouldn’t be writing this paper. Your dad starting coaching at the age of 22 and continues to coach to this day. He is the head coach of the Boys Varsity Soccer team at your high school. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame two years ago and has won 3 state championships, 18 District Championships and over 500 games in total.
    You’re the youngest of three and the only girl so you have a lot to live up to. There’s no reason you can’t be as good as your brothers. “But I’m younger than them!” Pathetic. “But boys are better!” Excuse me?! No, that is offensive to the whole female population! There are no excuses! Prove everyone wrong. Be the exception. Okay, let’s continue. Soccer was programmed into your DNA. You know the game-no, it’s not a game, it’s a way of life. You have played with toy soccer balls since birth and the first pair of shoes you wore were most likely Umbro cleats.
    You get older, old enough to start playing on a kids team. You’re given your brothers hand-me-downs of course. You start playing at your local rec center at around 5 years old and you are already 10 steps ahead of everyone else. Your team is called the All-Stars, you think it should be called the All-Star, but there’s no time to complain, just practice. Years pass, and you are in middle school and “try-out” for the team. You play one year on your schools middle school “soccer team” and then get moved up to the high school varsity team. You are 12 and everybody else twice your size, but you can handle it. Oh, and you are playing club at your local rec center on the U-14 team. It’s game day times 2. Win your school game and run over to the rec center and win that game.
    High school. You become captain in tenth grade and work your ass off. You have to finish the sprints first, pass the ball perfectly, head it hard, score, score, SCORE! Senior year rolls around and your team is looking good. As the leader you make sure your team is always ready to go. District Championship game is tonight; the last time your school won it was in 1992, but that’s all about to change. There are 5 minutes left in the game and we are down 1-0. Is it all over? NO!! OF COURSE NOT! YOU WERE BORN TO WIN THIS GAME. THIS IS WHAT YOU WORKED YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND LET’S WIN THIS GAME! THERE ARE NO EXCUSES! 3 minutes left. Free kick. You are thirty yards out from the goal. You step back, the whistle blows, you run toward the ball and you hit it perfectly. You felt that one. It was glorious. You watch the ball soar through the air. It seems like seconds have turned into hours. You see the ball hit the back of the net and your team rushes toward you. You fall to the ground and start crying. Stop, it’s not over yet. Regulation ends and it’s 1-1. Overtime. Both teams are battling, but you know you want it more. Remember, you were born to win this game. After two overtimes the score is still 1-1. Penalty kicks. This is what it’s come down to. Your team is prepared, we have practiced penalty kicks every practice. It’s 4-4 in penalty kicks and you are the last one up to shoot. If you make it we win. We will beat our rivals and win the District Championship for the first time in 21 years! We will make history. We will be the heroes of our school. We will be worshiped and talked about for years. But if you miss, we could lose. NO! LOSING ISN’T AN OPTION. You place the ball on the ground right where you want it. Time has legitimately stopped. Everything becomes so clear, but at the same time everything is all blurred out. It’s dark outside, about 9:30pm. Your whole school is in the stands watching with suspense. You hear their screams in slow motion. You take three steps back and one to the left. You feel your heart beat inside your chest and it pulsates through your whole body. It is now the only thing you hear. You look up, but not at the keeper, never at the keeper. You look at the corner, your corner. That’s where the ball will go. The referee blows his whistle. This is it. You look at the ball, back up to your corner, and back to the ball. You run up and take THE shot. The final whistle blows. Everyone rushes the field, the fans, your team, your coaches, your parents, everyone in Miami it seems. But you just stand there, eyes fixed on the corner where the ball is tucked neatly inside. It went in, you scored. Celebrate, scream, cheer, do something! You can’t, you’re stuck, paralyzed, numb. Your best friend reaches you first and the second she grabs you, you return to reality. You start balling and screaming “We won! We won!” That’s the only thing you can say. Everyone is on the field jumping and cheering and hugging you. You continue to cry, nothing else matters, you just won Districts! “Na na na na, na na na na. Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!” You did it.

  26. How to become a Chunga:
    First wear tight Brazilian jeans, preferably ones that are tie dyed with bleach. Then make sure the front of your face is completely plastered with gel to get your baby hairs from sticking up like Alf-Alfa. Tie your hair back in a very tight ponytail, so tight that it should look like you have a receding hairline. Then, scrunch your hair with enough gel to make it hair look like fragile tree branches.
    Your Shirts must be ripped at almost every angle, and under there must be a tight sugar lip that makes your chest look somewhat big. At all times hoop earrings should be worn, the bigger the better. If it’s your birthday make sure you are wearing hoops that say happy birthday inside, but if not the one’s with your name inside of them should work perfectly.
    Next, your eyebrows must be completely waxed off and a line should be drawn in replacement. Your make up should be bold. For your lips apply the lip liner, then the lipstick, and on top of that four coats of the juiciest lip gloss you can find. Your eyeliner should cover half of your eyelids and curl at the end to make it seem like you have seductive cat eyes. For your eyelashes you can either apply mascara or you can paste the fake ones on instead. For those of you who don’t have a freckle above your lip you can apply one with your eyeliner.
    Chunga’s are known for their distinct speech, whenever you speak make sure to somewhat slur your words. Whenever you get the chance add a Spanish word to your sentences. Get used to calling people “Bro” or saying the “Pero Like” before every story. To emphasize your stories slap your hands together loudly to the rhythm of your accent. You should speak loudly indoors. When you’re outdoors you should speak at about twice your indoor volume.
    Lastly whenever you’re texting someone use as much abbreviations and symbols as possible so d@t chu can rit @ hole p@ge on w@t S@ndr@ h@d s@id to chu!!.

  27. How To Become A Millionaire

    To become a millionaire you have to a have something that never changes a plan and a certain amount of goals that you want to achieve.Becoming a millionaire does not just happen overnight its takes time effort and the ability to over overcome obstacles because they will play a factor in whether you succeed or you do not . In order to become a millionaire you have to a mindset set like a millionaire . In order to become a millionaire you have to think like it ,breathe like it, and sleep like it . To become millionaire you have to become cheap . Some of the richest people today are some of the worlds cheapest people . Being thrifty and saving money can help would allow to put that money else where in which sometimes it can double . The best way to become a millionaire is to put your mind to it . Know what you want to do because without a plan it cannot be done .But with a plan it can be successful very easily if you have the right steps in mind . When you do become the millionaire you will be able to give this advice to anyone so they can succeed as well .

  28. How to Feed Yourself in College

    Find a parking spot near the front. Of course on the Food Center side (the less walking the better). Screw the cart. A basket will do since you only need a few ingredients. Where’s the bread aisle? Ah here we go. So many options… You have to go with Nature’s Own Honey Wheat though. I like to keep it healthy. Off to find the peanut butter and jelly now. Woo! They’re in the same aisle, even less walking. Jif Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter is a must. Now when it comes to jelly only basic people go with the grape but I’d like to think I live on the edge. Smucker’s Strawberry Jelly is my favorite. Now check out and hurry home, it’s time to get started. Toast you’re bread in the toaster oven but don’t leave it for a second. You have to be ready to take it out as soon as it turns the slightest bit golden. Put your crunchy peanut butter on one piece and the strawberry jelly on the other. Slap your two pieces of bread together and you almost have yourself a sandwich. Last but not least, cut off the crust then cut it into triangles. Now you’ll never have to starve again in college.

  29. How to become a poor college student:

    Wake up every morning and convince yourself that you need Starbucks to survive the day. Get through class and as lunch time rolls around, ignore the fact that you have a perfectly paid for meal plan and drive through the closest fast food restaurant you see. Look around at everyone wearing cute garnet and gold clothing and decide that you need to fill your closet with the most stylish FSU attire. Sit in class and listen to the teacher explain that you probably won’t use the textbook more than once or twice but you still are required to buy it. Call you parents in a panic as your bank account is slowly decreasing. Beg them for money, cry when they deny you a single penny. Start paying to wash your own clothes for the first time in your life. Drive your car around everywhere even though you could very easily walk or take the bus. Spend a fortune on gas. Look for parking outside your dorm. Find none of course. Park illegally somewhere and pray you don’t get towed. Spend what little money you have left on the ticket so you don’t have to tell your parents. Look for a job. Decide you’re too lazy to work. Suffer through the rest of the year like so until you have reached the point where you can officially call yourself a poor college student.

  30. How to Become a Frat Star

    You go to college seeing the “Animal House” one to many times and now want to become a frat star. Dress the part. Instead of buying all of your books and materials go to your local mall and blow all your money on Polo’s and Sperry’s. It’s imperative to buy the brightest colored polo’s to complement your short shorts. Good now you look the part. Go to rush week. Time to bro flirt. Talk about how great of an athlete you were in high school. Laugh at their jokes. Laugh at anything. Say you want to join for the “Brotherhood” (when everyone knows your there to rage hard). Awesome your now in a fraternity. After weeks of doing the elephant walk around campus your a full fledge brother. Go to socials with all the sororities. Be the man. Practice your beer pong game. Just kidding your already the beer pong champion. Wear tank tops and wayfers everywhere. Win intramural sports. Throw awesome toga parties. Randomly shout out your greek letter. Brag how your house is best on campus. Every one on knows your name. Everyone wants to be you. Know why? Because your a frat star.

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